Teaching from the positive is a powerful tool. I experienced this positive method of teaching shortly after Melody and I began courting. Melody found an article called, What is Courtship? by Bill Gothard. In his article Gothard places emphases on biblical relationships, majoring on what couples SHOULD DO to glorify God in their relationship under the oversight of God-given authority.
But Courtship Means Rules
Courtship gets a bad rep when people place all of their attention on the rules (the negative “thou shall nots”) instead of recognizing that every prohibitional rule provides a guidepost for what purposeful, positive, actions should be embraced in a commitment-based, courting relationship.
When marriage is sought out in a God-honoring way, the warnings and safeguards that courting couples place themselves under are welcomed as aides to help them overcome the temptations common to male/female relationships. Melody and I find these rules of restraint to be helpful boundaries that aid us to walk freely toward marriage in purity. We have also found that rules and chaperones have helped us build stronger relationships with our family members and friends. In contrast, dating couples generally become self-absorbed with each other at the expense of other indispensable relationships in their lives.
Teaching from the Negative is Okay Too
Even though I started this little essay by praising teaching from a positive/exhortation approach, the negative/warning method is also biblical. In fact, eight of the Ten Commandments begin with “thou shall not.”
Negative Law is Summarized Positively
Hundreds of years after Moses, Jesus cut to the heart and soul of the Decalogue when he summarized them into two positive commandments:
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” And, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:37-40 ESV
In conclusion, we see that rules restrain us from sinning, but every “negative” rule also has an inverse, positive command. “Thou shall not commit adultery” implies, “thou shall be faithful to your spouse” (present or future). “Thou shall not covet” is also saying, “thou shall be content.” In the same way, the nature of courtship has both positive and negative exhortations; both exhortations encourage us to walk freely toward marriage in all purity—to stay on the straight and narrow, and not fall off.
4 Comments
November 27, 2008 at 11:36 am
Great post, Josiah! I really appreciate you taking the time to write down these thoughts. I am so blessed to be involved and watch your courtship with Melody. May the Lord continue to bless your relationship.
December 4, 2008 at 3:42 pm
This was really good, Josiah. Your point about how this approach strengthens our relationships with our parents and siblings is so true – I’m really thankful for how you’ve encouraged me in this.
Thanks for writing out your thoughts!
December 4, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I’m so excited to hear how God is meeting you two in this season.
I think it’s also important for people who are new to or suspicious of the term “Courtship” to remember that every relationship is different. So not all courtships look the same or must have the same “rules”. The guidelines are encouraged to assist us in glorifying God through our relationship, but there is no such thing as a cookie cutter courtship.
However, Dan and I did learn much from watching how other couples used guidelines as well as their friends and family to help support their relationship. Humility and knowing our weaknesses is a gift as we look to God for help.
April 15, 2009 at 9:45 pm
[...] is Courtship? Jump to Comments I wrote an entry on courtship several months ago and thought it would be relevant to put a link to that entry here [...]